The Beacon Log

not sure why i started crying, just a few tears, some shivering and trembling, not sure if someone sitting there would have noticed.

i could see her walk, mutter, make sounds her environment was that of a somewhat wild forest.

i looked at her and how she moved...the sounds she would be able to make were there, although she did not actually make them...they are intense sounds, some shrill...there may be a, for ordinary humans, a crazy quality to them as well.

then suddenly i am looking down at my feet and onto the forest floor...look over my shoulder and see the same clothes she is wearing, not the blue knit sweater I sat down with. - i am her - and things seem real, am interested to hear or sense the forest floor.

then there is typing the the barn, followed by walking on the balcony. this decreases the intensity and realness a bit, but it's not gone a moment later ej comes in.

i am wondering when the endpoint of this would be...i tell him about my experience and he tells me to get acquainted with her and then end it and put the probes away.

so i sit there some more...she and i are not separate, I sense her in and as me, she is slightly smaller i know that she rarely communicates with humans...but “talks” to the dead, or disembodied spirits she knows the way of the forest and the creatures very intimately mushrooms included, potions included, sometime she may be called upon by what seems to be humans

the sounds she makes are unusual and i think could be scary and might be regarded as coming from someone crazy if heard. i actually feel tempted to physically make them and i know i could have it feels i pulled her in, not sure what that means though.

i end the session after a few more minutes as it feels a certain point of integration has happened that seems enough for the moment.

later after i started writing, i read about banshees...now i could get freaked out...:) note: if someone not experience in these matters would encounter this and perceive it...they might freak out..react suddenly. even i could feel the impulse to put the probes away at some point.
Interesting.
NO idea what this has to do with the coordinates i was given.

ej calls her swamp-woman after the workshop later that morning: his hit was swamp-woman alone in the forest, conversing with spirits and animals feels she is benign.

Sunday evening, on the same day, more realizations: realizing that this being is totally peaceful, also...she moves very slowly by our standards – but may seem to suddenly have changed position to us her body is painfree, though she is not young. she does not really understand human world or customs, just knows they are different.

in terms of integration...need to be attentive in the hrs or days after the event such as this one. In terms of effects, consequences i was already aware that there is speech and communication issues in my life. I have always attributed this to events in infancy and childhood this adds a dimension to it – it supposedly is the closest parallel universe personality, the one impacting this one the most. integrating someone like this: what does that mean for my current life here?